Everyone seems to want to be a bad ass nowadays. I too have always enjoyed striving towards being one. But what exactly does being a bad-ass mean? Do I need to wear tight leather pants and ride a motorcycle? No – but I could, that’s be pretty cool. Do I need to put other people in their place and start bar fights? Definitely not. I have determined over my 2.4 decades of life that being a bad-ass is nothing more than taking control of your life and choosing to life it in the best way for you. But howwww? Don’t stress, look below and find out how to be a bad-ass + take back your life.

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Be a kind person

This one is first because there seems to be this misconception about being a bad b****h that you have to be an asshole to achieve it. Do you know how easy it is to be mean to someone? It’s one of the easiest things in the world. You know what’s harder? Empathy. Empathy, kindness, patience, and compassion are fucking hard. It’s hard and uncomfortable to sometimes put yourself in someone else’s shoes.

There’s nothing bad ass about putting others down, treating them like trash, or acting stuck up. The most bad ass thing you can be is someone who makes others feel like they matter, that they’re important, and that they can do anything. Be a light to others and not a shadow. In a world with so much bad, it is completely bad ass to still see and be the good. So, if you think being mean to others, stepping on other people’s dreams, and telling them to get out of your way makes you a bad ass, you’re wrong. You’re just mean.

Follow Through

If you make a promise, follow through. This makes you trustworthy, reliable, and likable. Fakeness, lying, and never following through can seem pretty mainstream these days, but there is nothing quite as refreshing as genuine words and well kept promises.

Of course, to keep your word and to follow through on things, you can’t be making promises all over the place. Be careful with your promises and treat them like gold – rare, valuable, and not given to everyone.This ensures that you won’t overwhelm or under deliver on your word.

Stand for something and stand by it

You want to be a bad-ass? Well you better figure out what you value. And when you figure out what you truly value, you best be ready to stand by those values – especially if they are being violated. Bad asses are strong in their beliefs and stand by them fiercely. This makes them less susceptible to falling victim to manipulation, mistreatment, and blindly following others.

If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.

Malcolm X

Be defiant in the face of adversity

Haters gonna hate. Not everyone is going to like you. People will tell you that your dreams are ridiculous, impossible, or unattainable. This world can try to crush you with doubts, misfortunes, and trials. Be defiant and keep moving forward.

When they say I can’t do it, I just say “watch me”.

Carve your own path

Take advantage of your uniqueness and carve your own path in life. The road less traveled by is quieter, less crowded, and always filled with more possibility. Just because the rest of the world says you have to do something, doesn’t make it so.

I’m sure many women know the stress that is put on us to do things “the right way”. Find a guy, get married, buy a house, have a few kids, and let the man take care of things. Even though we are slowly moving away from that mentality, trying to tell people that you don’t want to do that can often result in a headache and several eye rolls. Doing things differently than “normal” may seem rebellious, but change requires rebellions.

Don’t let others walk on you

While you should be nice to others, that doesn’t mean you should become a door mat and let them walk all over you. Establishing boundaries is an important part in being a bad-ass. Taking back your life requires you no establish what you believe to be an okay way to treat you and not to stand for anything less.

You have to teach people how to treat you.

Jennifer Lawrence quoting Oprah Winfrey

Say no!

Saying no isn’t rude, selfish, or unacceptable. If a person tries to convince you that it is, they suck. Despite what you think you are not a miracle worker, you cannot do everything. You’re not going to be able to help anyone if you burnout. So by saying no, you’re saving others and yourself from some half ass work and a meltdown or two. Saying no is a important part of self care. And speaking of self-care…

Take care of yourself

Acknowledge if and when you’re hurting. You’re becoming a bad ass not a machine. You have emotions. You have bad days. That’s to be expected. Taking the time you need to rest doesn’t make you weak, realizing when to pause to love yourself is one of the most overlooked strengths in this world. There’s nothing impressive about wearing yourself down to nothing. There’s nothing cool or successful about being so drained that you can no longer give the world your best. Self-care is bad ass because it keep you in balance.

Learn when to show restraint or to walk away

Sometimes silence is the best response to someone being awful. Blocking someone on social media doesn’t mean they “won” anything. It means you refuse to put up with their toxicity- that’s called establishing boundaries. Building a life you love where you’re the bad ass in control means that you don’t waste your time with unnecessary bull shit.

Walk away from things that aren’t helping you create your best life. Keep your mouth shut if you feel the urge to clapback at someone. Don’t argue with someone who is determined to misunderstand you. Don’t waste your time with petty actions and attitude because it doesn’t make you a bad ass, it just wastes your time and makes you miserable.

Take responsibility

You are human. You fuck up. That’s just the truth. In this life you’re going to mess things up, do the wrong thing, hurt someone you love. That’s just how it goes sometimes.

Use your support systems

Being a bad-ass doesn’t mean that you’re an island. Your support systems make you stronger. They should help you in your time of need, be there for your successes (and failures), and be part of the moments of your life; both good and bad. You have something to learn from everyone, so learn from everyone. Being a lone wolf doesn’t make you a bad-ass. Actually if didn’t have a firm civilization now, being a lone wolf made you dead normally. We need our people.

Be Yourself

The most bad ass thing you can do is be yourself. You are unique because there’s only one of you. You have a unique perception of the world and your own personal dreams and goals. Being yourself in a world where it feels impossible to be just that, is one of the bravest and most bad ass traits I can think of.

How to be a bad ass + take back your life

Again, be a nice human.

We’ll also finish with what we started with. Be a kind person, treat others well. Build them up and share your light. If you are truly a bad ass you have the capacity to share your spark with the world without losing any of it. A bad ass have a fire burning inside of her, and she chooses to inspire, to share, and to love others. She makes others feel whole without removing parts of herself. Is it always easy? No. But what fun would it be if it were?

If you’d like to read more about how to be a bad ass and live your best life, check out a few of these good reads.

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4 Comments

  1. your post reminded me of something that happened recently where a manager talked down to a customer. i remember hearing things like ‘i am the manager’ and ‘do whatever you want, i did nothing wrong’, etc. I agree it’s one thing to be firm, and hold your ground. It’s another to know how to read a situation and be the better person. That, as you said, is more badass as it takes a lot of energy not wanting to tell someone off.

    1. Yes I definitely agree. I think media has shown us that “clapping back” or destroying the other person makes you seem bad ass and that no one can walk on you. While that may be true, being kind in an unkind world is the strongest and bravest thing you can do. Thanks for reading!

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