We often think that our dream life we want is so hard to attain. We think that we’ll have to make drastic changes to get the ball started. Or even worse, we think that we’ll be happy when… Happier when you have more money, more time, a better job, etc. You know the shtick.
But the life you want is so attainable. It’s right there in front of you. And whether we realize it or not we have spent a life time working for that life. Even if we don’t know how to reach it we know what we want. Maybe we don’t know what we want, we know how we want to feel – or don’t want to feel. And that my friend, is part of the whole process. Figuring out how you want to feel and how you want to spend your time is the first step.
By being mindful of what we want our dream lives to be, we make steps every day to start living those best lives. We need to be aware of what we want, how we’d like to achieve it, and recognize + deal with the challenges that may pop up. So how do we prepare ourselves for the challenges, the successes, and all the other stuff? Well to start, you begin by reading on…
Stop Giving a Fuck
The best way to stop living a life you hate is to stop doing the things you don’t enjoy. It really boils down to something that simple.
We only have so much energy to give to others and events and we tend to waste so much of it. Maybe we care what others think or we’re afraid of being an asshole. Sometimes we question if we’re missing out on a fun time. (FOMO is a growing problem)! So we question and overthink ourselves into oblivion and make ourselves miserable in the process.
Living a life you love, one that brings you joy and a sense of home, isn’t as far out of reach as we act like it might be. Yeah, yeah people always say that you create the life you want to live inside you’re head first and mindset is everything…including me. BUT let’s take it one step further, okay? You can’t create the life you want while holding onto a bunch of fucks you don’t even want to give.
To be clear, to give a fuck is to care about something and we simply cannot care about everything or we’re going to drown in a pit of stress and despair. Figure out what you care about or that is absolutely necessary (you may not care about your job all the time but paying bills is a necessity). Then, stop giving a fuck to the things that don’t matter to you. It’s as simple as that. All of a sudden you’ll have more time, energy, and (probably) money in your pocket.
For more information on this super intriguing method, check out Sarah Knight’s Ted Talk “The Magic of Not Giving a F***“. It’s nothing short of magical if we’re being honest.
Stop wasting your energy on things you don’t care about
Here’s a huge instance where you need to use the former tip and just say “fuck it”. I almost guarantee that your dream life is not filled with the things you don’t care about. That’s just not what a dream life is, after all!
Firstly, we obviously have to identify what we don’t care about. But then how do we go about eliminating those things that are wasting our energy?
Pause + Visualize
How will agreeing to do something make you feel? Will you dread it when the day comes? Or do you feel anxious and miserable just thinking about it?
Can you imagine how you’d feel driving to the place, walking in? Can you picture the smells and sounds and vibe of a place?
If all of it feels awful, why would you agree to do it…or want to do it?
Taking a moment to stop and visualize how you feel about certain activities, responsibilities, requests and expectations is the first step in eliminating what we don’t want in our dream life. We can’t fix the problem unless we can see that there is a problem.
Be Honest + Tactful
As Kristin Bell’s therapist said “Honesty without tact, is cruelty”. We need to be more honest with each other and with ourselves. We waste so much of our time trying to please others or not wanting to hurt their feelings.
But what does that fix? I understand that in a culture that seems to be obsessed with being “savage” we think to be honest we have to be blunt, rude, and witty. That’s a great way to make enemies and to hurt yourself. The easy solution is to be honest while still not being a jerk.
Being honest is a precious skill. Being honest with tact, is the best way to get what you need and be listened to.
They say we catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. When we’re tactful with our honesty, people are more likely to listen and respond with ‘honey’ than if we’re snarky.
Being tactful isn’t hard to do. It’s important to make sure our timing is appropriate (don’t call someone out in the middle of a group, but instead ask them if you can talk to them real quick). Don’t be harsh. And honestly, it’s easiest to make it about ourselves. I know, sounds crazy. But by saying something like…
“When this happened, I felt upset.” Or “Hey, when you do this thing it stresses me out.” or “I hope I didn’t offend you and I’m sorry if I did”.
Rather than something like…
“I can’t believe you did this! How could you?” Or “Stop doing that thing, it’s annoying”. or “Sorry I made you mad, I just meant….”
Making it about you and how you felt makes others feel much less defensive and more willing to listen. Be tactful with your honesty it’s just better for everyone.
“No” is a magical word. Coincidentally, it was also my first word, so I guess we know that I’ve always been defiant.
It is a word that keeps our sanity, balance, and peace. We tend to say “yes” to wayyyy too many things because of what we think others may think or out of FOMO. That doesn’t mean we should be saying “yes”. Again, let’s pause and visualize what happens if we say yes. If it is something that we’ll enjoy, have the energy to try, or actually have the time for, then by all means say yes! If not, why are we adding that stress on ourselves?!
Saying “no” is super easy with practice as well. Again, be tactful + polite but it can be a simple as “no thank you”. Or “sorry, I have other plans”. (Even if your other plans are a marathon of New Girl reruns in your pjs…those are other plans that you’re looking forward to! So don’t compromise those for a task you don’t want to do).
Declutter your stuff
Get rid of the stuff that is holding you down. We hold onto so much and it really does begin to weigh down our souls and limit our potential. So get rid of the stuff you don’t use or love and give it to a better home, like a thrift shop.
Also on the list to get rid of, all those pesky thoughts you have about yourself that are holding you back from greatness. Get rid of that shame. Lose the self doubt + pity. Get rid of the anger and hurt from others. Forgive others not for them, but for your own inner peace + sanity.
Make more space for all the confidence that you’ve been burying for years under all that unnecessary bs. Make room to stop dampening your light and let yourself shine. We’ve all been there, we’ve all been weighted down. Girl, you deserve better. Free yourself from all that mess and let yourself live.
Boundaries are important. They are like mental walls (good ones) that keep us safe. They teach others how they can and cannot treat us and allow us to maintain a healthy level of self-esteem.
If you are concerned with the response from people for setting up boundaries, here’s some food for thought…those people who get offended by your boundaries are most likely the ones who have been benefiting from your lack of them.
Setting boundaries doesn’t have to be difficult either. It can be as simple as saying “no” to something you don’t want to do. Or it could be making sure you’re setting aside time for your need and wants. Giving yourself permission to leave a party early and sticking with it even when people ask you to stay, that’s setting a boundary. Telling someone not to treat you a certain way or to not call you a nickname you can’t stand, those are boundaries.
The life you want is waiting for you out there. You don’t have to be realistic. Oh, no. Be a dreamer, set goals, but also take action. You can complain until you turn blue and dream until you turn to dust, but girl…until you get real with yourself about what you want and how you intend to get it, things will stay the same.
So start by creating your dream life in your head and then set out to start creating your dream in real life. Be real about what you can do now, what excuses you’re making, and cut yourself some slack. We’re only human after all
Set Daily Intentions
In the morning take a few moments to decide what we want to get out of each day. It does’t have to be huge or anything. It can be as simple as “I intend to have a good day”. And then let’s follow through. We still have to put in the effort to achieve our intentions. But when we’re mindful of what we want, we’re more likely to get it.
For example, maybe to have a good day, we start by putting on our favorite song and make some time for breakfast. Maybe we eat our lunch outside in the sunshine and the fresh air. Or maybe we decide to compliment a stranger to make someone smile.
All of those things add up to be a good day. Even with the little things that go wrong; like spilling our coffee, forgetting to make a call, or the printer running out of paper, it can still be a great day if we focus on our intentions.
Make Time for what you love
Sounds obvious, right? Well, this is where I think most of us struggle the most. We seem to always have other responsibilities, other commitments, others to care about.
The truth is that there is always enough time, it’s just a matter of priorities.
We need to prioritize our passions. Our passions make us who we are. They fuel our sparks that bring light to the world and inspire others to glow. Our passions are just as important as any other thing we do.
Letting ourselves be vibrant, passionate, and excited isn’t selfish…it’s beneficial to everyone around us. Make time what you love, even if that means you have to skip some other things (Netflix will survive without you for a bit).
Save some money
Life happens. Problems come up. Spontaneous adventures present themselves. Don’t miss out on the fun things and don’t get screwed when problems arise.
Save some of every paycheck you get. We need money to live because that’s just the way society is set up. Even if you can only put aside $20 a month, well you’re on your way to having a bit of wiggle room in case something comes up.
Don’t miss out or set yourself back because of money. That’s just silly. Be mindful of your money as it is helpful to have.
Related: 5 Mindful Financial Wellness Habits
Ditch the toxicity
The dream life we imagine is probably not filled with toxic misery and drama. When we are mindfully creating our dream life, there’s no room for such little things.
So ditch any toxicity that’s weighing you down. It doesn’t matter where the it’s coming from, it needs to go. If it’s friends, family, your job – it doesn’t matter, it’s only holding back from your dream life.
And if you’re creating that toxicity for yourself…you’re going to have to figure out how to ditch that as well.
Reflect, edit, and improve
Each one of our lives are beautiful pieces of art. But that doesn’t mean that our lives shouldn’t be edited and improved from time to time. Creating a dream life is possible and it can be done at any time, anywhere. By being aware of these small areas in our lives, we can start transforming the life we currently have into the one we’ve always dreamed of.
Overall I think the message is simple. Be mindful and selective of the things you let into your life. Have more things in your life that fill you with fire and less that fill you with dread.
Your dream life is just waiting for you to start living it. It’s not hard or expensive to attain, it just requires you to be mindful that you’re in complete control of living it or not. If you are struggling with mindfulness no worries. It’s not an easy thing to learn. Lucky for you though, I have put together a 10-minute mindfulness guide for beginners, just for friends like you! Get your guide below and start creating that dream life for yourself with mindfulness!